7/17/09

The Tenth Collection

June cold

June cold--
dying candles beside the
condolence book


cool breeze

cool breeze--
a dangling flowers planted
in a bulb

trumpet plant

trumpet plant--
the first buds appearing
in june

lunch break

lunch break--
I find myself counting rings
on the royal palm

lost icon

lost icon--
she counts Jackson's hit songs
with her fingers

June morning

June morning--
cold seats on the front
remain empty

a cold night

a cold night--
the crescent moon moves
with me

sudden drizzle

sudden drizzle--
friends on my chat list
disappear

industrial area

industrial area--
workers shoot the breeze
outside the gates

nursing

nursing 
a headless doll--
end of holidays

3 comments:

Sylvia said...

Caleb! Got here, at last. Your haikus are cool. I especially like this one, it has great flow, wonderful imagery!

"a cold night--
the crescent moon moves
with me"

You could remove the article 'a' to be more synthetic.

The second one, very beautiful, has a small glitch: either you must put 'flowers' in the singular, else remove 'a'.

I'm really going to continue with haiku, but at the website where I collaborate, so that other poets can criticize and help me to progress. I prefer forums where everybody comments, then one can pick out poets' advice and get/give feedback.

Otherwise, at least in my case, I begin to think I'm a great poet...haha...There's nothing like having one's errors pointed out! Please remove this comment if you don't agree! See ya, friend!

Sylvia said...

Forgot to say that you could complete your blog by adding the widgets for friends and many other interesting stuff!
Do please visit my Spanish blogspot, you can comment in any language you please (what is your ethnic language?), I love visitors! If you scroll down, you'll find some stuff in English on the left side, and anyway I have a few cool pics! See ya, man!

rb said...

I am not a poem. While reading your poem, i tried to understand the point what you are trying to say. to me it's cool. I like the simple words you are using in your poem.Also thanks for ur comment on mine. Thanks caleb.