June cold--
dying candles beside the
condolence book
cool breeze
cool breeze--
a dangling flowers planted
in a bulb
trumpet plant
trumpet plant--
the first buds appearing
in june
lunch break
lunch break--
I find myself counting rings
on the royal palm
lost icon
lost icon--
she counts Jackson's hit songs
with her fingers
June morning
June morning--
cold seats on the front
remain empty
a cold night
a cold night--
the crescent moon moves
with me
sudden drizzle
sudden drizzle--
friends on my chat list
disappear
industrial area
industrial area--
workers shoot the breeze
outside the gates
nursing
nursing
a headless doll--
end of holidays
3 comments:
Caleb! Got here, at last. Your haikus are cool. I especially like this one, it has great flow, wonderful imagery!
"a cold night--
the crescent moon moves
with me"
You could remove the article 'a' to be more synthetic.
The second one, very beautiful, has a small glitch: either you must put 'flowers' in the singular, else remove 'a'.
I'm really going to continue with haiku, but at the website where I collaborate, so that other poets can criticize and help me to progress. I prefer forums where everybody comments, then one can pick out poets' advice and get/give feedback.
Otherwise, at least in my case, I begin to think I'm a great poet...haha...There's nothing like having one's errors pointed out! Please remove this comment if you don't agree! See ya, friend!
Forgot to say that you could complete your blog by adding the widgets for friends and many other interesting stuff!
Do please visit my Spanish blogspot, you can comment in any language you please (what is your ethnic language?), I love visitors! If you scroll down, you'll find some stuff in English on the left side, and anyway I have a few cool pics! See ya, man!
I am not a poem. While reading your poem, i tried to understand the point what you are trying to say. to me it's cool. I like the simple words you are using in your poem.Also thanks for ur comment on mine. Thanks caleb.
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